read through me

I am so sick of guys. I do, I do want to have someone, who loves me, goes the extra mile for me, one that I am able to love back. I am tired of getting attracted to the wrong people. I do, tell them, they're going to forget me tomorow comes. I do, tell myself, to never at all have hopes. But in the end, I am only lying to myself. I know Im hurt. It doesnt hurt less no matter how many practices I've had. It just that I get better at diminishing the sadness from my face, I get better at telling people I am fine, and move on. I get better at handling it, but it doesnt make me feel any less painful. It hurts so bad everytime it happens. Sometimes it hurts even more than all the befores.

reality

what does enough means?
I have everything i think i need. Friends and family. But somehow i feel like i want more, need more. I think that is why i hide myself inside the party house. So i dont feel lost and without a purpose.

Of cars and men

Is it just jinx or is it just me? If it was karma, that was unexpected. I was hoping my heart to get ripped not my car. What harm did my car ever done to anyone anyway? Okay, I got involved with someone elses boyfriend. So get someone to get involve with mine, when I have one. Stupid life. Anyone who throws a voice to me - Im sorry, you will forever today sound annoying.
Out of all the stupid yet cool accident that could happen, I chose to hit the cement wall upon avoiding a stupid car in the parking lot. That was dumb. Dumb as fuck to be exact. Urgh, just when I'd started to love that car. Someone just give me sleeping pills please. Its been long since Ive felt as fucked up as I am today. I even cried in the bathroom. Really self? So good at pretending to be heartless and strong, and cried for a car. So I love my car. So what. Cars dont break promises.

No room for past

Sweeping away the past fleshes again. I have a new present that I want none of your existence of. So today be the last day I hear about any of you (because i was forced to) Then it's ahoy to my new present. Well I like living this way, life's to full of surprises whether good or bad. But atleast, i know now I want to experience it with new people. So toodles old life.

Hey and anyway, I've decided what to call us. We're just teammates. When the team degrades we might or might not remain friends. But atleast I predicted this sooner so that I wont suffer much of an aftermath shock.

Like the wind through your skin

I think I am becoming heartless. Not fully, but getting there. Guess pretending to have no feelings has taken it's toll on me. I love it everytime I see you, although I pretended not to care. Because it's wrong for me to care, and I can't let myself get hurt again. But lately, it's getting harder for me to act like a faceless. idgaf, always chilled up girl.... because you're starting to know a lot about me. The facts about me that i don't even bother telling people, and that me myself aren't aware of. Like the number of bangles i wear everyday. Nobody cared, not even me. But you counted them.

Anyway, its pointless. You will always be with her. I will one day get over you or maybe not bother about you at all. So I guess... here's to another passing memory.

Blunt and Real

Okay, maybe it's my hormones. But, hey captain, what the fuck are you doing screwing up my life? Well okay it's not screwed up. Please just be faithful to your girlfriend. You're now making it hard for me. If she finds out, you can never imagine the hurt you put on her. So please, be a good man.

Hey heart, could you fucking decide what you want? You know you miss having a boyfriend, but everytime a guy tries to get close you back out. Why? You're giving nobody a chance and you're chasing someone else's life. Well, not chasing. Just.... hoping? You tell yourself ever so often that it's cool cause you're not into commitments (which is partially true) but you're hoping a guy could go that extra mile to love you. Will there ever be?

Placebo

okay the pace is slowing down again. I wanna dance with new people. Infact I wanna meet new people. Everyone I know is of same behaviour. Playing around fooling themselves. What is up with people? I liked myself when I was 18. I am loving myself right now, I just wished somewhere inside me I'm still capable of loving. I thought love was a simple thing.