So long ago, okay, well, not so long ago. I told myself that I am happy being alone, standing alone, not needing to love or be loved, truth is.... I think I realised, no human can do that until their last breath. Again, Im not regretting choosing to not be in any kind of twisted relationship. I love hanging around friends and believe me, my buddies are the best of kinds. They take care of my every single thread of problems and share every single bubbles of joy. But I dont know, maybe when I come home later at night, I'd love to talk about my day to someone, I'd love to hug someone. Maybe.
p/s: dear god, you work in a very very very mysterious way.
While writing, I am still trying to compose myself. Telling my own mind how fast the world moves. For a while, I wished some moments were made to last. These memories keep chasing me, like a little boy who cries for his mom, reaching out and strecthing out as far as he can, trying to cope, but always seemed to fail. 2011. I painted a few rainbows, and stepped on a few muds. The most disturbing fact of all, is that I stopped believing in love. I finally faced the cold hard fact that forever never did existed. Yet, I tried to remember what it felt like. Almost there, and I fell right back into my cave. Right behind the walls I alone built, because of this tiresome game, because of the bruise festering non stop, because of human's selfishness and because of my broken self. I had contained myself, yet I miss those feelings, I still want those feelings, but my fear had grown stronger than my will. And lusts, they're having a riot, but my dignity enforced powerfool troops. Someday I wished, I'd find the little girl who believed in fairy tales. Someday I wish, the little girl will find its way back home to this soul less beating heart.