The lone wolf

I guess I've spent my life caring too much about people, who, well not necessarily care as much about me. I've always been the one to ask "hey you okay?" But it's rare that I get that asked. Like I don't need sympathy or pity I just wish for once I would have someone to vent to. I've always been an ear but I've never had a shoulder to lean on to. I know human is a filthy being but yeah I don't get how the filthiest of them all are always the luckiest and the ones who only intend good gets fucked over, like I did, a million times. Nobody cares that I'm constantly on a breakdown, constantly having doubts, and that I'm on the verge of giving up everything. I get it good things don't come easy but why do some people always seem to have everything handed on a silver platter? Keeping yourself together is a fucking tough job and I have no idea how much longer I can do this. I guess people always assume that I'm okay and that I'm strong because I'm really good at faking a smile even when I've been punched in the face. Well I tried to be strong for everyone, and I'm only doing it because no one actually cares. Everyone would just tell me, we'll hey you'd be happier if you just keep your expectations low. Well I can't have fucking low expectations, I tried and they chew me up inside, they drown me. That's like telling me to go kill myself. I don't even know what I really want. Something normal I guess, even though I don't really know what normal mean. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing. Maybe I am a sadist but guess what I don't choose to be depressed and it's a goddamn miracle that I'm living through it day by day. I just wish, for once, thing would be easy. Things would go right. I can't have another breakdown, I don't think I'll survive it

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