realisation

Cried in the car tonight. I was so full in pretending how much okay I am, then these tears fall. I'm such a mess in denial. Im not mad at anyone, Im just mad at how things are. I want so badly to go back, to that time when everything is normal. Normal. I think that word has pretty much die already. The everyday girl- to a broken girl. I have no idea how much fixing I need. Because I thought I was going through a phase. I lost myself, little by little and never realised it. Until now, when everything I used to be is gone. Now lies a girl searching for nothing, or searching and wandering. Thinking of a purpose. Every sign leads to a dagger, daggers awaiting to thrust themselves into my flesh. Have me. You already had most of me anyway. Just make it fast. Because Im tired of this game.