It talks

Nobody likes hearing they're wrong. And I am wrong in a lot of things. I'm always over-protective. I am, but the only thing I'm protecting is me. I guess well you could say I'm selfish, I feel threatened easily. I guess. And I don't know why but this wall I build to protect my selfish heart, they made it hard to trust people. I trust you oh so badly, or atleast I believe I want to, I do, I wish it came like liquid, just flowing rapidly. But everytime I tear these walls down, I get hurt. And agony is a fear that lives inside me, one I've locked so far down I don't want to reach it anymore. I am afraid. Yes, because every scar on my body tells a story, tells of a journey, of how much pain I've gone through just to find you, to find my dreams, to get a hold on my dreams, and you're apart of the dream, this dream that I never want to let go. And I am too coward to fall again, too afraid to face anymore nightmare. I guess that is why I'm being who I am. I set you in a bad mood before you go out with your friends, because I can't accept the fact that you're having fun, while Im right here stationary. It's not your fault, I guess I just need more love. And it kills me slowly to know you're havig fun without me, and most of the times when I'm with you, I flame your bad mood. I'm always trying, I guess. So hard that I stumble infront of you that you feel.... annoyed. Losing you, I get so afraid, so stressed out thinking about it, because I fell it once with you before, when you told me we just can't go on. It felt like someone dragged your heart, grind them, and re-assemble them again just to go through the torture again, and then they pierce your body, every inch of them with bullets and nails to rusty metals, provoking you to inhale the suffocating fumes. I don't want to go through it again, which is whyI kept trying so hard. And sometimes we can't try too hard or we'll mess up things even more. So what am I to do? Sometimes I just wish I could feel what you feel, or even hear what you think. You're tough, I envy that in you. I want to be strong. I want to. Please tell my heart to be so. Teach me softly to be more positive. Please, gently.

No comments:

Post a Comment